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The Way Home: My Journey to Selfhood

As I mentioned in my recent post called, My Road to Damascus, I had a life changing encounter with Mary Magdalene where she asked three things of me, and strangely enough I found myself listening.  She told me:

  • Know what it is to be a woman
  • Know what is the feminine; and
  • Get into your body

Even though I was stunned and the encounter was so unfamiliar, I was compelled to listen.  I didn’t know this at the time, but I realize now, what made me listen and respond was her presence.  She was clear, certain and authentic.  She spoke out of a knowing that was so palpable that I found myself trusting her.  It would be much later that I would learn that this is the feminine way of having impact and influence.

When I started on the journey with Mary, I had no idea just how out of alignment with with my Soul I had become.  I also had no idea just how literally broken I was.  At the time, I thought my circumstances were what was broken and maybe my heart.  But over time, I came to realize that it was my Being, My Self that was actually broken.  The Self that I was was not longer functioning as it was created.  My thoughts, the systems in my body, my emotional and nervous system had become compromised to adapt a false self I had cultivated.  I will talk about this down the road. But for now, I will say that this was the beginning of the way home and my journey to selfhood.

In retrospect, I think that this very brokenness is why Mary led me to leave California for a while and go to a place I could contemplate and get out of my head.  She sent me to a place where I could begin encountering what was real.  At the time, it was all very difficult and traumatic, but looking back, I now see that I was being guided by her fierce grace and compassion.

Her next instruction to me was to immediately sell my house, put whatever possessions I wanted to keep in storage and move to someplace green, fertile and quiet.  She was very specific.  The place would have a bank, a post office, a tavern, a gas station and a small grocery store.  The house went on the market the same week and sold immediately.  I only lost $20,000.  If I had waited  another three months I would have lost $500,000 in the financial downturn.

That same week, I received a phone call from my mother letting me know that a good friend of the family was looking for a new manager for her 18 room inn in the Berkshires.  For those of you that are unfamiliar with the Berkshires.  It is a piece of God’s country in the Northeast where Connecticut, New York and Massachusetts converge.  I contacted the family friend, and we agreed I would head east in two weeks.

Always having been captivated by things spiritual, I have read the Christian Bible several times looking for clues about the cosmos that we live in.  The passages in the Old Testament that gave very specific instructions, for example, to Noah for building the Ark or to King Solomon for building the temple made me curious.  Why such specificity?  Why all the detail?  Over time I would discover that this is precisely how Spirit would work with me.  The messages would be very clear and very specific.

I would love to hear about your messages from Spirit.



  1. Kim Shea

    December 14, 2015 - 8:39 pm

    I love your story and that you took a leap of faith. Three years ago I had a spiritual reading with Jeannette Hill. I had been struggling with the desire to end my unhealthy marriage but was in graduate school and waiting until I found a good job so I could contribute to my own financial well being. During the reading, Jeannette told me, “Your guides say it’s time to end the marriage now. They want you to take a leap of faith.” It was scary but I trusted and went home that day to tell my husband it was time. He pointed out that I didn’t even have a job. “I will,” I said calmly. Within two months I had an offer for a great job that helped change the course of my career path and brought a tremendous amount of joy.

    • Alison McLean

      December 18, 2015 - 3:55 pm

      Kim, your courage and leap of faith is inspiring and breathes the breathe of resiliency in my soul. Thank you for your honest sharing!

  2. Lesa

    December 23, 2015 - 11:02 am

    Once, when I most needed support, it was delivered via the radio. At the time, I was just beginning to realize how horrible my marriage was and had no idea what I should do about it. I was in the car, listening to AM Talk radio, and a woman called in with a question about her boss at work. The relationship she described was an exact replica of my relationship with my husband, so I paid particular attention to the host’s advice. He told the caller that no one deserved to be treated that way and she should leave her job as soon as possible, even if that meant leaving before she landed a new job. Continuing to work for this guy was going to erode her self-esteem so she needed to get away in order to protect her herself from further harm.

    I took that advice to heart and left my marriage, even without a way to support myself. It was hard, but I’ve never regretted it.

    I’m not sure I would have reached the same decision without hearing that advice on the radio. I’m not sure who or what sent it to me, but it was exactly what I needed.

    • Alison McLean

      December 28, 2015 - 3:12 pm

      What courage that must have taken. I find we (talking about me here) stay in toxic situations too long. Maybe it is because while the longer we stay in the more it erodes our will and self-esteem and then the harder it is to pick ourselves up and make a change. Thank you for sharing.

  3. Pernilla Lillarose

    January 6, 2016 - 2:35 pm

    My messages usually come as a Knowing in my Body and Being without really knowing. It’s a Sense that gets stronger each time I listen to it and trust it and it’s taken me years to get where I am now – and I am still learning every day to trust. Recently I am strongly motivated/inspired from within to revive a movement I started a few years ago, but let go of because of lack of interest. Today I know why it didn’t take off and am not wildly inspired to start working with the younger Women who have so much vision and energy to put into creating the New World. Something I never really considered a few years ago, but now… I can’t get away from it and truly I don’t want to.
    I often was a little sad that I never got the messages like you and others do from the divine, but have since realized that She works through me in a different way, and it was up to me to learn to listen to that Language in my body.
    Not to say that I haven’t gotten outside messages or events have taken place that I really listened to and became life changing. But inner Knowing without knowing seems to be my path.

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